New Levels of Communication with My Brothers

One of my clients said it so well, I quoted him directly in this post: I realized in a Separation/Divorce Support Group facilitated by Coach Sherman Burns that I'd never really communicated with men, including my father, brother, and closest buddies. I had counted on women for emotional and spiritual support. Now I see that [...]

By | February 19th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

A Living Language

A few men were lucky to grow up in families that weren't in an emotional ice age. For them feelings were a living language connecting them to other family members and letting them participate in each other's lives. For the rest of us guys, we've had to learn that emotions are not a downside to [...]

By | February 19th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Losing Friends

As another unfortunate part of your separation be prepared to lose friends. In Burt Bacharach’s “Darkest Place”, Elvis Costello croons: “Meanwhile, all our friends must choose who they will favor, who they will lose.” Many people are unable to be friends with both partners; a few might be able to demonstrate the kind of maturity [...]

By | February 19th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Have Parenting Backups.

There may be times you are unfit to parent – too stressed, tired out, what have you. My first wife and I separated when our daughter was two.  I was quite young but determined that I was going to be the complete father who cooked and did it all. Unfortunately I was a lousy cook, [...]

By | December 29th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

So Are You Really Separated?

California - of course it all starts there - is putting in a new law that couples can't share the same residence and claim to be separated for the year they, and many other states, require before granting a divorce.  That's a good thing, because it pushes people to decide what they really want.  Such [...]

By | December 29th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Isn’t It Great?! We’re the Ones Who Are Good at Suicide.

Women make four times the number of suicide attempts that men do, but men are four times as successful.  Separation and divorce can really exacerbate your problem, guys. Here are three things that make our grizzly statistics worse: 1) We have more access to guns than women, in our American gun culture.  2) We are [...]

By | December 29th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Where the Divorce Rate is Falling

Sometimes called silver or gray divorce, such separation is growing as the stigma of divorce is lifting even among older people. According to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research, those over 50 were twice as likely to divorce in 2014 as in 1990. Over 65, the increase went up even more. Several reasons: [...]

By | November 27th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Home Free Pass

Just like with a physical death, in the first year of separation you should be given a 'home free pass' to only be at 90%, or on some really bad days maybe down to 70%, of your usual competence. That is across the board from work, to friends, to home. Don't be embarrased, turn right into [...]

By | November 11th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

More on Friends

When I start talking to guys about how important it is to have true friends at tough times, they often ask, how do I know if I have a true friend.   Finally! an easy question. Here is the simple test. If, without hesitation, you would ask them to help you in the hospital, that’s [...]

By | November 4th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Transitional relationships

Transitional relationships: Definition: Those relationships which quickly follow a marriage or long relationship. Their purpose (often misunderstood) is to help a guy get back in the swing of things, realize all women are not the enemy, and experience again his own sexual attractiveness. My clients never listen to that definition any more than I did [...]

By | October 26th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments